The long awaited blog post is finally here! So many of you guys, along with Alex have literally been harassing be to write Niko’s adoption story, so here it is….

As most of you remember this time last year we were in the middle of a long preparation to bring a little boy into our family. After 3 months of hard emotionally draining work, preparation, communication and arrangements the adoption fell through for various reasons. I would be lying if I said this situation didn’t leave a bitter taste in our mouths. It was a hard few months to have ended how it did. We are firm believers in ‘things happen for a reason’ but we were tired and done. We needed a break from all things ‘adoption’.

A friend was over a couple months after this all happened and she asked what we were going to do with the second crib in Jaxson’s room. I guess I never really had given it much thought, but it felt so right to just keep it as is. Deep down we both knew it needed to stay for some reason or another. Besides, it honestly completes the room and I love how it looks with the 2 matching cribs. So the room stayed as it was, ready for anything….

Once summer was over we decided we were ready. Ready to jump back in to the adoption game. Ready to put our family profile book together and put ourselves out there. Keep in mind this was the first profile book we’ve had to make. We weren’t even on ‘the list’ with Jaxson’s adoption, or with the adoption that fell through, so this was all uncharted territory for us.

This adoption we said we were open to both typical and Down syndrome, but our hearts were definitely sent on another kiddo with Ds. Over the last few months we have talked a lot about how we think our second adoption would play out. We knew that it would more than likely be a pretty immediate placement again. We talked about what our ideal birth parent situation would be. We had so many grand ideas and scenarios that we would love to have happen the second time around.

But over this ‘waiting period’ we went on with our everyday lives. We would bring up adoption from time to time but honestly didn’t give it much thought. Life is busy and it definitely wasn’t something that we would think about on a daily basis.

Until it happens…. then it happens fast! For us anyways.

January 15, the day Jaxson had surgery to have his tonsils and adenoids removed, and get another set of ear tubes, we got the email. We’ve gotten a couple very similar emails over the last year from our adoption agency. A vague email saying there is a ‘maybe situation’, a couple vague details, and that they were meeting with the birthparents a couple days later and showing our family profile book. Given the stressful day with Jax having surgery we completely forgot all about the email till the next day!

Well low and behold 2 days later our phone was ringing with the social worker on the other end. She had just met with the birthparents and they wanted to meet us!! Ok, now shit just got real! We had to stay in Calgary for the week while Jaxson recovered in case there was post op bleeding, so we were stuck in the city. We were quite shocked to hear that the birthparents were willing to come to us to meet. Well that sounds promising! So a meeting was arranged for 3 days later.

Those had to be the longest, most anxious 3 days ever. Having a toddler recovering from surgery was actually a great distraction. The wait was literally killing us. We honestly didn’t know much about anything at this point. We didn’t know if the birthparents were meeting other families, or how serious they were about us. We had so many questions but next to no answers.

Finally the day of the meeting arrived and it seemed like time was at a standstill. The minutes leading up to it seemed like hours. We just wanted to go and get on with it. As you can imagine these meetings are super awkward, especially the first 10 or so minutes until the ice is broken. Both parties are super nervous, emotional, and it’s just plain weird. This was our third ‘birthparent meeting’ and I can honestly say it was the hardest one to go in to. Maybe because the anticipation was just so heightened with the 3 day wait. But the meeting went amazing. Nothing felt forced or awkward. We instantly connected with these birthparents and felt very much at ease. We left the meeting with plans to continue the adoption process of this gorgeous little boy who’s name we now knew was Niko.

The next week and a half was a complete whirlwind. We were making plans with Niko’s birthparents for a date to go to Edmonton to pick him up. Niko was still in the NICU but was ready to go home any day. Once the final dates were decided upon and some of the legalities were taken care of we went in to complete nesting (or panic) mode! This was really happening and we had 10 days to prepare! I spent the next week getting everything ready. Washing baby clothes, getting all of our baby stuff out, and tying to mentally prepare for a new addition.

The mental preparation was the most stressful part. For 3 and a half years it’s been just the 3 of us. We were perfect. Literally perfect. Of course we were super excited but we were also scared, nervous, anxious, and a little part of me was honestly a bit sad that the days of the ‘3’ were going to be over. It was all happening so quick and that gave us very little time to prep Jaxson as well, which added to my stress (but thats for another blog post!).

But ready or not the 10 days flew by and it was time to go meet our new son and Jaxson’s baby brother. We arrived in Edmonton around dinner time and drove straight to the hospital as we could wait no longer. We met Niko’s birthmom in the hallway and she took us to the NICU to introduce us to our new boy. We nervously walked in and found the cutest, tiniest (but he wasn’t so tiny) little baby boy laying in his bassinet.  We wanted to stay forever but weren’t able to spend too much time with him that evening as we had to get Jaxson to bed.

The following day was spent at the hospital getting to know Niko, his feeding routines and how he operates. It was a very long day especially since we had Jaxson. But in true Jaxson form he was amazing! I think he watched Trolls 5 times that day, but he was happy! The day was stressful because there was so much going on. We were focused on learning Niko but also making sure Jaxson’s needs were met.

It was an emotionally charged day. It was a heartbreaking day. And at the end of it all I laid my head on the pillow and cried and cried as Jax and Alex were fast asleep. I watched a mother say goodbye to her baby and my heart felt shattered. That day I gained a son and I was going to bed heartbroken, and sad. (again this is for another post!).

The following day we woke up bright and early, packed up our hotel room and headed to the hospital. Niko was ready to go!!! on February 1 we loaded up the truck with our 2 sons and made the trek home.

We have been home now for almost a month and it has been crazy! I have so many thoughts and feelings about it to share, but I do need to say going from 1 to 2 kids has been a huge adjustment! We are finally settled into life as a family of 4 and we now couldn’t imagine it any other way. Niko is one amazing little guy! He’s happy,  and content, until he’s not, then he makes it known! He’s a great sleeper (thank you baby jesus!), and has brought so much joy into our already happy family. Jaxson is completely head over heals in love with his baby brother and has been the most well adjusted out of any of us, lol!

As for any of the other details about Niko’s adoption story, those aren’t for us to share. But know that he came from a place of nothing but love to another place with lots and lots of love ❤

Last month we got a little note sent home in Jaxson’s lunchbox. It was a note telling us that he had upcoming school photos. Immediately I got excited. His very first school photos! Of course we have more than enough nice pictures of him, the perks of having a mommarazzi. But there’s something about school photos that I will totally get sucked into buying.

A few days before his scheduled photos I started thinking about what he was going to wear. Should he go all preppy in a collared shirt or should he go as ‘cool kid’ in a rad shirt and ripped jeans? I consulted friends and the consensus was preppy.

That morning I sent him to school in a nice crisp outfit. Lots of spare jeans in case he had an accident before the photos. I told him that he was going to get his picture taken today not by mommy and to give his best smile ever.

I picked him up later that day. One of his teachers told me he gave them all a run for their money. Apparently the photographers had a nice set with an old desk, with books, and pencils on top. I didn’t need to hear more to know exactly what that scene looked like. lol! I knew those books, pencils and his glasses were going to be tossed all over the place. But when I saw who the photographers were I breathed a sigh of relief. Knowing that on of the photographers has a nephew with Down syndrome I knew that they would have had extra patience with Jax.

A week or so went by and I was excited to see the uploaded school photos. I logged in to the photographers website and eagerly scrolled through the kids. Oh all the pictures were GORGEOUS!! Those cute little smiling faces. They all looked SO good. Then I got to Jaxson’s folder…..

Initially I laughed, hard! Alex came to look at his photos and laughed harder with each picture we flipped through. But as quickly as they made me chuckle my heart started to sink. A very sad feeling washed over me. I couldn’t help but wonder what the other parents were thinking when they scrolled passed Jaxson’s photo.

They don’t know him. They don’t know his fun, happy, silly personality. They don’t know how smart, and loving he is. They don’t know him. So what did they see when they saw his photo?

Did they see that ‘Down syndrome stereotype’?. Did they see the all of the other stereotypes of Down syndrome? Not just physical stereotypes, but all of them…… God I hope not! I was so so sad just thinking about it. The thought of anyone putting Jaxson in that small box just broke my heart.

Then it hit me that this is just the beginning. This is only the beginning of wrongful stereotypes (not that it even happened in the first place). Even if no one thought it this time, we have a whole life ahead of us.

This is why we do do what we do. This is why we share Jaxson with the world. I want everyone when they look at these photos to see a moody little 3 year old who’s having a rough day. A 3 year old who wants nothing to do with his school photos. A stubborn little boy that is refusing to smile at all costs. When I say at all costs I mean it. The photographer later told me that they were singing and dancing to Moana for him AND they even brought out a PUPPY. A freaking puppy folks!! And this was his reaction.

Thank you Megan and Kari from MeKa Studios for taking the most amazing pictures of the kids. They all looks so good!  And thank you for trying so hard to get something out of this stubborn little boy! Maybe next year he will flash you guys something to work with, hahaha.

(thank goodness his mommy knows her way around a camera and we don’t rely on yearly school pictures for ‘good’ photos)

We finally bit the bullet and decided it was time to get Jaxson fully potty trained. He was showing signs that he was ready (will get in to detail on that below), and the timing just seemed right to give it a go. We were finally home and able to put in the work, and Jax wasn’t due back to go to school for another 2 weeks, so it just made sense to give it a try and hopefully send him back to school in undies!

One of my online Ds momma friends posted a blog that she read/followed about potty training kiddos with Ds. Alex and I read it, initially thought it was a bit to intensive for us and did our own thing. Which resulted in us putting him in undies for 2 days and realizing that if we ran him to the potty every 20 minutes he will never learn to hold it and initiate going to the potty himself. Jax is a very complacent little dude and we knew his laziness would have him never fully potty trained and just relying on us to run him to the toilet. Which is not conducive and not realistic to send him to school and have him relying on his teachers to do that. So after 2 days in undies, countless accidents and lots of frustration we decided to give this ‘intensive’ method a go.

Here is a link to the blog. This momma explained the method VERY well. Please click on the link and give the “program overview” a read before moving on with my post.

http://theadventuresofnolan.blogspot.ca/2015/08/intensive-potty-training.html

Ok now that sounds like a lot of work right!?!? It is!! So here’s our experience with this method…

Where Jax Was At When We Began:

• We definitely didn’t go from diapers and no knowledge of the potty straight to potty training. So to be fair here is where Jax was at when we started training. For the last year Jaxson has been wearing pull-ups, only because laying him down to change a diaper would be  damn near impossible!! Jaxson has been using the potty successfully for about a year now. He started when he was around 26 months old (I HATE having to break down his age in months….). Because of his constipation issues he was almost immediately poop trained because it was so much easier to ‘get it out’ sitting on a potty than in his diaper. I know poop training a kid can me much harder than pee, so I am thankful that was never an issue for us. Jaxson has been peeing on the potty for the last year and goes when we put him on. He also doesn’t mind peeing in his pull up. When we are home we would put him on the potty pretty regularly, however we never bothered taking him to the bathroom when we were out and about.
  

  

  

Showing Signs of Readiness:

• For about 2 weeks prior to potty training we noticed he was staying dry for long periods of time and waiting for us to put him on the potty. He was also making ‘pushing’ sounds but never peeing. At first we thought something was wrong (like maybe a UTI) but after a couple of days we noticed that was one of the ways he was telling us he needed to go to the washroom.

Our Plan Of Action

We deviated from the program you read in Nolan’s blog. Reading it and coming up with our own plan was crucial in the success of getting Jaxson potty trained. Here are the things we changed up for it to work for us

• The original program is all about having the child learning to initiate going to the potty. Given the layout of our house it wasn’t super feasible to have Jax in a sectioned off area right by the washroom that was easy to clean, and a SAFE place to play. We decided that Jaxson would be able to tell us ‘yes or no’ reliably when we ask him if he needs to go to the potty. So instead of having him initiate going to the potty we ask if he needs to go and follow his lead by his answer. If he tells us ‘no’ we don’t take him.
• The original program calls for solid days at home with 110% focus on potty training. THAT WOULD DRIVE ME TO THE BRINK OF INSANITY!!! We all HATE being cooped up at home. That was not going to work for us. We dedicated day 1 and half of day 2 to being at home and then began bravely taking outings. Short at first to test the waters then lengthening them.
• The original program calls for the child to help clean up the accident. That was NOT going to fly because we knew Jax would love that! hahaha!! So we nipped that in the butt before we started and took it out of our plan.

Here is a quick breakdown in point form of what we did and then I will write about how each day went. Jaxson’s reward for staying dry was watching “Paw Paw” (Paw Patrol). So When he stayed dry he got to watch. Which meant watching A LOT of TV!

• Our mornings started off with putting his underwear on and telling him that he can’t pee in his underwear. “No pee pee in underwear, Jaxson goes pee in the potty”
• And enter Paw Patrol. Jaxson got to watch Paw Patrol as long as he was dry. The first few days we did constant (every 5 minutes) ‘wet checks’. When he was dry we made a HUGE deal out of it “JAXSON IS DRY!! YAY!!! Jaxson I am SO proud of you! Dry boys get to watch ‘paw paw’!!”. Jaxson responds SO well to praise and was loving it.
• At the beginning we would ask every 10-15 minutes “Jaxson do you need to go potty? Do you need to pee”. If he ignored us we would make him look at us and give us an answer. If he told us “no” we wouldn’t take him potty and ask again in 5-10 minutes. If he had an accident after he told us “no” we initiated our “accident routine”
• We NEVER took him potty just to take him potty because we thought he had to go. Jax needed to learn that he has control over when we take him. If he chooses not to go then he has to hold it. If he chose not to go and right after had an accident then he had to learn the hard way.
• When he answered “yes” we would take Jaxson potty. We also gave him control by letting him pick which potty he wanted to use (his little Ikea potty or the big toilet with a potty seat). We put him on the potty and would say “thank you for telling us you need to go potty”.  When he peed on the potty we would give lots of praise “YAY, JAXSON PEED ON THE POTTY!! Good job Jax, we are SO proud of you!!”.   If for some reason he didn’t go pee right away (within a minute or so) we would take him off and tell him “the potty is to go pee. We don’t play on the potty”. This rarely happened but the odd time we would put him on and he would try to play and goof around. He needed to learn that the potty was not the place to play.
• Our accident routine: Immediately we stopped the ‘fun’ ie; turned off pawpaw. We then say “oh no! Jaxson is wet, no more fun. Fun is done” then we would run him back and forth from the ‘accident scene’ to the potty and say “you’re wet, you need to stay dry. Pee goes in the potty”. This part seemed silly and redundant. It also seemed useless as he would giggle as we went back and forth. But I also think that this was essential in the training. So just keep on it even if it seems dumb! We also NEVER sat him on the potty when he had an accident. It is crucial that he leaned he goes to the potty dry.
• Of course he asked for pawpaw right when we went back to the living room, but we would say “fun is done. Jaxson peed himself. No more fun” (in a stern, scolding voice). He would get mad, kick his legs, and cry. I got deep satisfaction out of this part because he understood that he was being punished, and he hated it! hahaha!
• Then we would continue on with the ‘dry checks’ and praise when he was dry. I found it hard to go straight back in to praising him and being positive because I was still a bit peeved about the accident that just happened. lol. But I forced the positivity back and he responded immediately. We would not bring back the reward (pawpaw) for at least 20 minutes after the accident.

Daily Progress

Day 1:

• Day 1 of the program was LONG. We committed to staying home the entire day, which we NEVER do. Jax watched paw paw literally from morning till night. Since this was our first day we asked him if he needed to go potty every 10-15 minutes. At first he didn’t really understand but we made him give us an answer (yes or no). Once he said ‘no’ and he peed himself minutes after. That was all it took for him to ‘get’ what it was all about. He had total control over when we took him to the bathroom. He had 3 accidents that day but overall we felt very encouraged.

Day 2:

• Day 2 was horrible!! Alex was working so it was all on me. I decided that we would stay home for most of the day and venture out late afternoon. He had literally 4 accidents by 10 am!! I was so discouraged….. This was technically day 4 in undies (day 2 of the program) and I was ready to throw in the towel. I know, I know, potty training takes time, like lots of time!! But I was already done with cleaning puddles and being mad. I text Alex and said “I don’t think he’s ready. I’m not sure if he gets it” and was totally implying we just quit and get the pull-ups out. Alex reassured me that we need to persist and to give it at least 3 more days. If we have seen zero progress at that point we can reevaluate. I persisted the rest of the day and he did ok. He had one more accident on his grandmas couch (oops!!!) but otherwise stayed dry.

Day 3

• Jaxson stayed dry ALL DAY!!! We were still asking every 15-20 minutes, and every 5-10 minutes after he answered ‘no’. There’s nothing else to say other than he wore the same gitch from morning till night!! We had many outings this day as we were prepping to go camping. We just made sure to ask him lots when we were out and about and no matter where we were we would stop everything and run (literally) to the washrooms.

Day 4

• We woke up cautiously optimistic. Knowing that day 3 was most likely a fluke we were prepared for accidents but hoped for the best. We had lots of running around to do as we continued our camping prep. And what do ya know, he stayed dry!! This is when we started spreading out how often we asked. We were now asking every 30ish minutes and 10-15 minutes after a ‘no’.
  

  

I feel very confident to say that JAXSON IS POTTY TRAINED!!!! We survived camping and being away from home and out of routine. Jax came down with a sinus infection while we were camping and ended up having an accident on the day he was feeling the worst (to be expected). Otherwise he is staying dry and has even ‘told’ us on a few occasions that he needs to go potty.

We are still doing ‘wet checks’ just not as often. We are still giving LOTS of praise when he’s dry and telling him how proud we are. We are still cheering and praising when he goes to the potty as well. We are going to continue with the dry checks and the potty praise for quite a while.

To say we are blown away is definitely an understatement. We never expected this to happen so quickly. Yes he was already 60% there before we started, but still! This week he starts back at preschool. I am VERY nervous to see how that goes as up until now it has only been Alex and I who have been on top of him to use the potty. He is also getting his new full time aide this week so on top of going to school he is going to be with a new person. I will be packing LOTS and LOTS of undies and pants and hope for the best.

Hello there!! Remember me? Probably not!! Just taking a peek here and apparently my last post was 6 months ago…. Ummmmm holy hell has it been that long!?

Needless to say our life is crazy. Turtle Nest Co. has become WAY WAY WAY bigger than I had ever thought. It occupies ALL of my spare time. Alex has made some comments here and there, “wow it’s been a long time since you’ve blogged” or “don’t you think you should write a blog post”. This makes me want to backhand her, lol! But she’s right.

So tonight just as I finished tucking Jaxson in, a thunderstorm knocked the power out. So here I sit with candles flickering beside me, my sewing machine doesn’t turn on, and the house is completely silent. It’s time to write a blog post!!!

I honestly have NO clue where to begin. 6 months is a LONG time. You would not even believe the amount of stuff that our family has been through in 6 months.

Let’s start with Jaxson! Let’s see….. well, we celebrated his THIRD birthday! I find it crazy that we have a 3 year old!! Jax recently started pre-school and he is absolutely loving it. We have already seen a huge change in his development since starting and couldn’t be more thrilled. Can I be honest for a second? Dropping him off and coming home to a quiet house is PURE BLISS!! I have so much more time to sew, Alex has time to work on her schoolwork, and we even put those things aside and go for coffee dates once in a while. It is honestly AMAZING.

Jax is doing a lot of walking with his walker lately. He’s becoming more and more confident on his feet. He’s also signing up a storm (as per usual). He has over 100 signs now and is pairing up to 3 signs together to make short sentences. He is also super vocal now. He says ‘mom’ or ‘mama’ on a very regular basis now to get our attention. He is currently obsessed with Maui from the movie Moana and flexes his ‘Maui muscles’ ALL the time. He actually came up with it all on his own from watching the movie which is pretty amazing!!

Next week we are celebrating his third ‘Gotcha Day’. To me this day is even bigger than his birthday.

Now onto our family….

Well we’ve been through the ringer. For those of you who don’t know, we committed to adopting another child back in January. For many many reasons that adoption unfortunately fell through last month. We had to take a stand and put our little family of 3 first. I wish I could talk more openly about it, but out of respect for him, and his birth family I won’t.

Needless to say we have had a lot on our plate. We spent months and months preparing our hearts. And have spent a lot of money getting our house ready for another child (not that the money matters). We are hurt, a tad jaded, and more guarded. But we are firm believers that everything happens for a reason ❤

Alex has been working hard on her schooling and is SO close to completing her degree. Couldn’t be more proud of her! Then it’s on to her masters. She is also training hard as she is competing at the World Police Fire Games in Los Angeles this summer!! We are all very excited for this experience. Grandbaa is also coming down with us, which will be tons of fun.

As for myself. Well I sew….. I sew some more….. and then some more….. It seems like there is never enough time in the day. Always running from one appointment to the next. Jax is busier than ever, and I happily chauffeur him to all of his engagements. I plan to get back into yoga and doing something for myself.

Did I mention that Jaxson mean Sean and Elena from the show Born This Way!! That was a pretty cool experience. We attended our very first Canadian Down Syndrome conference where they were the keynote speakers. The conference was AMAZING and we learned so much!

Well the power just came back on, time to sew!!

lol. In all honesty I really plan to get back on to regular blog updates. It’s easy for life to get in the way and push it aside. But to have this modern time capsule for our family is priceless. I promise to keep in touch ❤

I love our Down syndrome community so much, but sometimes I really really hate it. Recently our community has lost some perfect little souls. Some were due to crazy freak accidents that could happen to any one of our kiddos, others were taken by cancer, and a few succumbed to cardiac issues post open heart surgery. In such a short period of time our community has been mourning one precious child after another. It’s not fair, it’s heartbreaking, it’s completely and utterly devastating.

My heart is completely shattered for the parents and siblings left behind. It’s unimaginable the pain and sorrow those families are enduring.

It’s the constant loss to our community that makes me want that giant bubble to put Jaxson in. Everything is hitting so close to home and my paranoia goes through the roof! Some things you can control but ultimately it’s not in our hands. Whatever will be will be.

In light of Jaxson’s recent anemia scare we’ve had a couple people tell us that they feel so bad for us. We’ve been through so much already with Jax and it’s just not fair. While I am thankful that his ‘issues’ are being recognized, we feel the complete opposite.

Jaxson is HERE. He wakes up every day with a giant smile on his face despite how crappy he must be feeling. Every morning we get to sit sipping our coffee and watch him flip bowls in his fire truck (don’t ask). About one thousand times a day we are subjected to his super tight hugs around our neck (it’s a tough life!!), and are on the receiving end of his open mouth sloppy kisses. We get to bask in the joy of watching him learn new signs and see the pride that washes over his face when shows us that he knows how to ask for something or that he can make a sentence using multiple signs. We giggle at his toddlerhood every night when he asks for more books, and flips out when we tell him “no more books it’s time for bed”.

We will take and continue to take every single diagnosis that comes his way in stride. Open heart surgery. Waking up with him one bajillion times a night because of severe sleep apnea. CPAP turned BiPAP – still waking up one bajillion times a night…. Therapy after therapy, temper tantrum after temper tantrum from said therapies. Eating issues. Sleeping issues. Did I mention sleeping issues? One more time, sleeping issues. Severe anemia. Reoccurring severe anemia requiring a blood transfusion. And now here we are on the brink of a Celiac’s diagnosis. So a possible lifestyle change, an increase in our grocery bills, and being hyper-vigilant of the foods the 3 of us consume.

All within 2.5 short years. We know there will be more to come, and thats ok. We didn’t sign up for it by adopting a child with Down syndrome. We signed up for it when we decided to become parents. PERIOD.

So like with every past diagnosis we will continue to take each new diagnosis with a positive outlook because JAXSON IS HERE.

Life is too short….. My community has taught me that